he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize