well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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