I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
