I cockslap morals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
