dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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