Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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