Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Where is the hickey?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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