dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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