it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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