I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
