I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
