I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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