My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
