We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
