i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
