my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We need to rekindle our bromance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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