Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
