Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
