You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
