Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
