When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
