i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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