just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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