dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
