he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
