Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize