You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
