waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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