Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't deserve a penis
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
