youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He kissed a someone with a penis
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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