I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
