So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize