The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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