we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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