dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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