So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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