Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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