one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
