How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're like the curious george of whores
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
