Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
