If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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