They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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