are you still at the devil's house?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
