This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my shit smells like andre
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
