He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
