Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
