I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
