he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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