i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
