my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
