I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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