Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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