Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
