No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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