It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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