It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
