Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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