took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have aggressive nipples.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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