Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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