I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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