yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
