Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
