he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
