NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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